not. good. at. poker.

haven't played at all in the last 5-6 days and was super excited to play tonight. well within 45 min of starting my session im tilted out of my mind, got outplayed by the regs, got owned by the fish im supposed to be better than and i've come to one conclusion.

im just no good at poker. i have zero natural instinct for card games, i don't possess a fearless gamble and basically have been spinning my wheels for 4 years.

its funny because i often see people on training sites complaining about not being able to beat 25nl and shit and they've been playing for 2 years. well today i realized i am no better than them. right now i am such a huge dog to 200nl regulars it's embarassing.

the last 6 months in particular have been a vicous cycle, play a session, get raped, get pissed off and want to quit, cool down and by the next day have a renewed vigor about the game and a self assurance that i can get better. well i can't and i won't.

no amount of coaching or studying will ever turn me into a winner. im ashamed over the last few months every time someone asked me how poker is going but i deserve it because in early 08 i was taking every opportunity to let people know how well i was doing when they asked me.

i really wish i had the courage to cash out and quit. if i had some kind of other money making idea i would because i don't want to work a 9-5 the rest of my life. but i don't and the vicous cycle just keeps repeating.

tg

EDIT: day after edit, this is the kind of post that occurs when you don't take your meds and run slightly bad. i'll be back.